5 Jul 2016

Why University Terrifies Me


Well I was all ready for my great blogging come back about how even the word 'university' makes me physically want to vomit over myself.

Repeatedly.

Then life happened and evil germs spontaneously decided to invaded my body and make me sound like a chain smoking man wearing one of those weird swimming nose peg things! And my Mum always told me you only caught a cold from going outside in the winter with no coat on...mother lied.

So now I'm struggling through this post, dosed up on paracetamol and thinking shit what would I do if I were sick like this at (here comes the dreaded word!) university and there was no one to make me gloriously runny eggs in the morning and cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep on the sofa because AHHH is that miniature person drilling into my head again?

Anyway. Uni.

Everyone I meet is actually frickin' obsessed with asking me if I'm going to university and what I'm going to study and am I going to be able to survive living on me own and do I realise how flipping expensive it is and blah blah blah. So for those people, the truth is this:

I don't really particularly want or have some desperate urge to go to university. The only reason I am going is becase for as long as I can remember (apart from the time I wanted to be a vet and then I found out it was nine years plus at university and was like nope!) I have wanted to be a primary school teacher, not for the money or the flipping amazing holidays but for being surrounded by children and knowing that you are shaping their future every day of your life.

I think the original idea stems from being surrounded by my younger brother and his friends for much of my life with their innocent little chubby faces and unfaltering optimism that yeah I'm gunna be a millionaire astronaut when I'm older and have a hundred girlfriends because that's totally not weird at all and why the hell not. However, to become a primary school teacher, there is pretty much one option and one option only. University.

So if that's the price I'm going to pay for reaching my ultimate goal, then that's what I'm going to have to do. Even if it does make the shy, introverted girl inside me scream in horror.

I mean the very prospect of packing up all my belongings and starting up what is essentially a spanking new life in a city I hardly know with people I hardly know, is basically my worst nightmare.

Some people like change. I, on the other hand, hate it.

 My comfort zone is very comfortable thank you very much and if I had it my way, I doubt I would ever leave. But I have to and that is something that I am slowly...very slowly coming to terms with. A bit like when you dropped your ice cream cone on the floor as a child and just stared at it for a good ten minutes like did that really actually just flipping happen or will I wake up any minute and find the remains of the creamy goodness smeared around my chops?

So far I have forced myself to attend three university open days and a university convention at Essex University and if I do say so myself, I think that deserves a pat on the back and/or a Thornton's Chocolate Hamper or two.

Or three.

However, the more I think about it, the more it kinda, sorta excites me. And someone please shoot me now because I can't believe I actually just said that.

No but seriously my life is pretty dull at the moment having lived in the same town for the past sixteen years, it feels like I've discovered and seen everything there possibly is to discover and see and I'm bored. I'm tired of going to the same places and seeing the same people and doing the same thing time and time again like I've pressed replay a song and I. CAN'T. STOP. LISTENING. TO. IT.

At the moment, I'm the quiet girl. The one wears black, keeps to a small, trusting group of friend and who tries desperately to blend into the background and get on with whatever she needs to get on with in a way that will draw the least attention to her as possible.

But now I really dislike being that girl.

However, the problem is I can't change because could you imagine me walking into class tomorrow shouting out the answer to every god damn question and volunteering to reenact the entire works of Shakespeare in front of the whole school. People would think they had been abducted by aliens!

So now I feel that University would be the perfect opportunity to allow me to be break free from this personality and share a side of myself that never normally get's shared because these new people I'll meet won't know any different.

Sure at the moment I know what to expect every day when I wake up and I don't get filled with anxiety at the thought that I'll get lost and end up somewhere in Hong Kong when I step outside the front door, but I just feeling like I'm ready (kind of!) for something new.

Who knows what will happen. I just hope it will be good.


Have you been to Uni or are you still thinking about going?
Love Beth xx

2 comments:

  1. Going to uni can be very scary, but it really is the experience of a lifetime! I know what you mean about being a creature of habit, I was the same and didn't think I would fit into uni at all! And in all honesty I didn't that much, but it was still the experience of a lifetime and I made a lovely little group of friends! :)

    Heather Xx
    100waysto30.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. I have heard so many people say that uni is the best years of your life and although that does offer some comfort, I'm still terrified. But thank you for both your lovely comments that you left Heather! Xx

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